Revelation
by Angelique
Summary: a deep analysis of Buffy and Angel's complicated love


Revelation

A songfic to "Yesterday's Letter" by 98 degrees

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters, yada, yada, yada

Angel peered through the dense fog as he watched Buffy through the shadows. Her face was a mask of longing mixed with relief. Being the slayer she had endless responsibilities, responsibilities to peoples lives. Those heavy thoughts were etched on her face, making her look older than her 17 years. She nervously brushed a lock of her wispy, blonde hair out of her face as she watched many of her peers being rushed into ambulances. People she could not save, people that she believed she let down. Her face fell showing anxiety and a great sadness that only a slayer could truly experience. Him leaving her would only bring more pain to her already hard life, but it was something he regrettably had to do. The tragedy of their complicated love was coursing through his very being. There was no other way to end this relationship, if he stayed he would only hurt Buffy more. As he still tried to convince himself of this fact, his heart knew that there was a great love between them that could never be broken.

"I wrote a letter yesterday

Just trying to explain

Couldn't find the words to say

Cause you are so far away

So far away"

The fog parted, Angel could see Buffy clearly now. It tore him up inside to see her in so much anguish. Angel started to cry, but only on the inside, never on the outside. Too many years of painful memories had prevented him from ever crying on the outside again. Inside his soul lay a tightly locked bottle of his deepest emotions that he had kept from everyone for over 200 years. But Buffy came along and changed all of that, with one word or gesture she could warm his very soul or shatter it to pieces. Right now it was shattering. 

"Its so hard for me to face

That it had to end this way

But my love will never change

Will never change

When I search my soul to find the truth about the love we shared

I wonder why your no longer here"

Buffy's eyes unexpectedly found his face and he could see the toll his leaving was taking on her. Her expression screamed "I love you, never leave me!" but she said nothing. The unspeakable bond between them was getting louder, the silence was deafening. Wells of water formed in Buffy's eyes and the salty tears rolled down her face. Just then, Angel felt something roll down his own cheek and realized he too was crying. He was losing the battle in his heart, he knew what was best but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Once he left, he knew Buffy would be heartbroken but she would eventually get over it. She was still a young girl, she didn't need a boyfriend with a bicentennial. She needed a man who would fulfill her needs, to be there for her whenever she needed it, a man who could make love to her........................

"You can just walk away

But I don't feel the same

My heart still beats for you, breathes for you, sings for you

And those feelings will never fade

I can hide my pain

But I can never hide the way I feel for you"

The fog lifted, he could see her clearly now. He saw her mouth the word "Angel", and it made the tears cascade down his cheeks. The pain was too much for both of them to bear, he could tell. This was a torture for both of them, seeing eachother in these last moments. But he couldn't bring himself to move, the pain, the fear, the love, it immobilized him. His head was overflowing with pictures of Buffy and him together. One after another he replayed every memory he ever had of his one true love. He could still remember the first time he saw Buffy. So innocent and naive, so unaware of what the future might bring. But even then he knew, this was it, he would never find another.

"I've been talking in my sleep

About the way it used to be

I pray that you'll hear me

And then I'll see you in my dreams

Oh, in my dreams

But I can't forget the words you said to move on with my life

And no matter what I'll carry you inside"

Buffy was staring into his eyes now, down to the very depths of his soul. He could sense her pleading with him, her cries echoed in his heart. But the final truth was devouring both their souls. Angel was leaving. Nothing anyone could say or do would change that fact. Both of them could feel it, their last moments were almost over. Their tears stopped at a standstill, now was not the time for tears. They both put on a facade knowing that on the inside they could hardly breathe. A wave of shock rushed over both of them as they finally realized to the full extent what was actually happening. The inevitable, it was creeping in.

"Sooner or later your going to realize

That this type of love happens once in your life

So open your eyes, and see what we could be

Come back to me"

Angel took his last look, turned and walked off into the night. 


End file.
